Day 29: Your reason for staying alive
Actually,
I once tried to end my life. Luckily, my friend found me in time. At that time,
my impulsive thoughts overcame me. I felt completely broken and bad at that
time. I wanted everything to end quickly. But, actually, I just needed to be
'seen', with all the complex things that kept swirling in my head.
It
turns out I've been surviving for about 10 years. Congratulations to myself. :)
Lately,
those thoughts have come back. I'm trying hard to fight those thoughts in every
way. What keeps me going is the thought that I have to meet my Lord in a good
state. What if I fail in this world, I have to fail in the hereafter too. Hehe
At least I will try to meet my Lord in a good state.
Another
thing that keeps me going is probably the condition of my parents. Maybe they
wouldn't be ready if they had to lose me in a bad state. Because seeing the
condition of their child who is currently 'broken' seems very difficult for
them. Maybe also because they never expected me to be that weak. I always
wanted to be someone they could rely on. So I'm used to hiding everything
myself.
So
those are my reasons for staying alive. Because God still gives me time to
live. So I will try to use the time given to me as best as I can.
The
full challenge is here!!!
(Uwiepuspita)
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