Hello Love,
Last night, my terrace lamp went
out. So, I tried to fix it and replace it with a new one. I climbed the stairs,
and honestly, I was scared because I was alone and it was dark. I was afraid the stairs would break, and I would
fall.
But I managed to do it! Haha.
I want to tell you something. I
always post stories on Instagram about whatever I watch or listen to. Sometimes I share a video, a song, or other
things. But most of the time, I post
things that seem sad or painful because that's what I'm thinking. I'm still in a melancholic mood.
I didn't expect my brother to be
watching my stories regularly. He's
worried about me. I didn't think he
would be. But I told him that I just
post those things to create an image. I
don't really feel that way. Did I lie? A
little. Hehe.
I'm grateful that he cares about
me. Even though he isn't my real
sibling, at least someone is thinking about me and asking if I'm okay.
He actually offered to let me open a
store near his house. But, I don't think
I can do it. There are a lot of things on my mind.
And also, remember I wanted to join
a dance class? I'm reconsidering it
because of the money – I'd need to pay for the class, transportation, and other
things. Besides, I don't have a lot of
income yet. I'm still applying for jobs, but I don't know. There's a part of me that doesn't want to do
it. I want to try to build my own
business. I know it's hard, though.
I just feel like I want something
meaningful. You know, something that can
help me connect with God. At my last
job, I didn't have enough time to pray or anything. I was so busy. Maybe it's because I'm a perfectionist, so
sometimes I feel overwhelmed to leave work in the middle of a task. But I know it's not true. I'm still processing everything, and maybe
not everyone will understand.
In the past, I really loved meeting
and connecting with people. But lately, meeting and interacting with people
makes me really tired. Really, really
tired. I don't know if it's because of
what happened to me or something else. I
think I need to talk to a professional, but I'm hesitant, too. Can they really help me?
I miss the old me. I know we can't think about or imagine a
different path if we make different decisions.
What's done is done, right? By the way, are you getting tired of reading
my journal? What do you think about me?
Oh yeah, there was a big spider in
my house this afternoon. I don't know where it came from. It really scared
me! I sprayed it with Baygon, and then I
felt sorry for it.
Just it for today. See you tomorrow,
Love.
(uwiepuspita)
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