September 9th, 2025
Love,
Today, I kind of had a meltdown, maybe because my stomach still hurts, so I'm a little bit sensitive. Suddenly, I cried. So random.
I think I've decided that I will continue isolating myself until December. This weekend, I will fulfill my promise to Mbak L and my aunt. After that, I will isolate myself again.
I have to be strict with myself. Why? Because the insecurities are still there. It's really hard to regain my value. It's just really hard.
Do you know the feeling of wanting to be loved but also not craving it? The feeling that you want to live but also don't want to? Haha, so contradictory.
My family doesn't know that every time I meet someone, I still need to take my medicine to try to calm myself.
Today, I took a lot of time to talk to an AI. I feel like I'm kind of crazy, haha. How I talk randomly to an AI because I don't have someone to talk to. Everyone has their own problems, and I don't want to add to their problems with my random thoughts, haha.
That's all for today. See you again tomorrow if there is one.
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