Day 50 Till I Die

 

May 20th, 2025

Hello, my love, it's me again.

This morning, I felt exhausted and decided to sleep in after Subuh prayer. I know it wasn't ideal, but I needed more rest after yesterday.

I woke up at 9 a.m., drank some soursop juice and jamu kunyit for breakfast, and then started work. I needed to watch a movie to write a review.

Besides watching the movie, I downloaded some ebooks from a website.  I had a long list to download, and it took me until noon.

I had noodles with two eggs for lunch. It wasn't bad, but not delicious—I think I overcooked them.

The movie was about a drug addict.  In one scene, the main character tells her story to a group of students, explaining how she got deeper into addiction.  One student simply said, "Just don't do it."

That scene made me realize how easily people offer unsolicited advice about how we should live our lives. When we share our struggles and explain why things aren't easy for us, they often dismiss it as an excuse. They can easily say that because they haven't walked in our shoes.

It's evening, and I still need to write the movie review and study Japanese because today's my last day of access. I also canceled my appointment with my friend for the end of the month because I don't feel ready to discuss the topic (which I can't share with you).

I know I've been canceling a lot of appointments lately. It's a big problem for me, and I'm trying to address it.  I hope I can improve and heal from whatever trauma I'm experiencing.

That's all for today. See you again if there is tomorrow.


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