Love,
Today is my mother's birthday. I called her to say happy birthday, as long as I could do it.
I don't have many activities. I walked to buy medicine and some food in the morning. I played a game for a while, then I watched a movie to review. I felt a little bit overwhelmed today, so I fell asleep after crying, haha.
I think I need to be stricter with myself, so I won't regret my life. Right?
I've said that I want amnesia to forget everything. And maybe if I had a reset button, I'd really want to reset everything. But is that the solution?
Maybe acceptance is the answer, but accepting everything isn't easy. I have to 'kill' my own self and heart for it.
Just yesterday, I said I wouldn't be sad or down again. But after posting it on my IG, I felt that I'd made a mistake, and it made me think about many things.
I don't know. Going to a psychiatrist didn't really help me. Maybe I just got the wrong psychiatrist, or maybe I don't believe I can change myself because even if I change myself, the outside world won't change, right?
While writing this, I was thinking about the shower analogy: we know that we always get dirty after showering, but we always shower. So it makes me realize, we know the world always gives us pain, but let's take care of the scars again and again.
Oh, I haven't told you about my food! I have so many interesting stories about it.
I ate lontong sayur for breakfast. Every time I want to eat it, the stall is always closed, but today it was open, so I bought it.
I also wanted to buy batagor for a snack. The owner was eating his food when I came. Then I said, 'I want to disturb you!' He looked at me, confused. He thought I wanted to ask some questions, but it was just me who wanted to buy the batagor. Then he laughed, 🤣.
After that, I bought fried chicken for my lunch. I wanted to buy two pieces that cost 18 thousand, but she didn't have any change. I also didn't have the exact amount, so I bought only one piece, which cost 10 thousand. When I walked away, she called me back because the person who brings the money for change had arrived, so I came back to buy one more, haha.
In conclusion, I ate lontong sayur for breakfast, batagor as a snack, chicken for lunch, and noodles for dinner. So much food! Hahaha.
That's all for today. See you again tomorrow if there is one.
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