A
conversation on a dating app ended in a rather interesting way.
At
first, the conversation was completely ordinary. Then one person explained that
they valued emotional connection more than physical attraction. The reason was
simple: too many conversations on dating apps end up becoming dry exchanges,
scam accounts, or conversations that move too quickly toward sex and intimacy.
The
response was unexpected.
They
were told that they had too many rules. They were even labeled closed-minded.
The other person explained that they considered themselves open-minded and
liberal.
The
conversation eventually ended there.
But
it left behind an interesting question worth considering:
Does
being open-minded mean that everyone should be comfortable talking about sex
with someone they've only just met?
For
many people, being open-minded is synonymous with having the freedom to talk
about anything. But the meaning of being open-minded is much broader than that.
At
its core, being open-minded means being willing to accept that people have
different experiences, values, and perspectives. In other words, someone can
hold a different view without automatically considering another person's
perspective wrong.
Ironically,
the term is often used as a label instead.
When
someone isn't comfortable discussing sex early in an acquaintance, they may be
considered too rigid. When someone wants to get to know another person's
character before talking about intimacy, they may be accused of having too many
rules.
But
perhaps they simply have different boundaries.
In
psychology, there is a concept known as personal boundaries—the limits
individuals establish to protect their emotional comfort, privacy, and sense of
safety when interacting with others. Boundaries aren't limited to physical
contact. The topics we are comfortable discussing are also part of those
boundaries.
Some
people are comfortable talking about their personal lives from the beginning.
Others need more time before they feel safe enough to open up.
Neither
is inherently more correct than the other.
The
problem begins when one standard is imposed on everyone.
Imagine
the same situation happening in real life. Someone you've known for only a few
minutes suddenly starts a conversation about sex or intimacy. Some people might
feel completely comfortable with it. Others might feel uncomfortable.
Does
that discomfort automatically make someone closed-minded?
Not
necessarily.
Perhaps
they simply have different boundaries.
Healthy
relationships aren't built by forcing other people to follow our pace. Instead,
healthy relationships develop when both people are able to respect each other's
boundaries.
Interestingly,
people who genuinely respect differences usually don't feel the need to
pressure others. They also don't rush to label someone simply because that
person holds different values.
Different
preferences aren't the problem.
The
problem arises when someone believes their preferences are superior, causing
everyone who doesn't share them to be considered less modern, too conservative,
or closed-minded.
Yet
respecting another person's boundaries is actually one of the clearest signs of
maturity in communication.
Dating
apps bring together people from different backgrounds, with different goals and
values. Some are looking for serious relationships, some simply want
friendship, while others are more comfortable discussing intimacy from the
beginning.
Everyone
has the right to choose.
But
that right also comes with the responsibility to respect other people's
choices.
Because
ultimately, being open-minded doesn't mean everyone has to think the way we do.
Being
open-minded means being able to accept that other people have the right to have
different boundaries—without labeling them simply because they don't see
relationships the way we do.
— Uwie
Puspita
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